Friday, April 29, 2011

Toddler Rules

I just couldn't get Lily out of the house today. I couldn't get her to listen to anything I said. I couldn't get her to narrow down the 500 toys she wanted to bring to just 3. It took all the patience I could muster to not explode as the clocked ticked closer and closer to 5:00.. and I needed to go to the post office before it closed. Having never-ending patience with a 2 1/2 year is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.

I finally got her down to 4 toys (or so I thought), but then she thought once they went in the bag that she could go get 3 or 4 more. And the whole thing started all over again. Finally she collapsed on the floor in a fit of tears (and toddler rage).. and I admit, after almost an hour of just trying to get us out the door, I almost did too.

On went the tv. Off went my shoes and all the bags full of the days errands. On went my butt to the couch where I sat for 5 minutes having an internal monologue about how I'd just have to go to the post office next week and everyone that was expecting packages in the mail would just have to wait another 3 or 4 days. Which I'm sure is such great solace to everyone waiting on those packages.. that I have a toddler who refuses to leave the house with no less than 150 toys or things that will pass as toys.

Not really.

I hate toddler rules. I hate everytime I try to leave the house for a few hours with Lily, it looks more like I'm leaving the house for a few weeks. It's unreal. I hate having to have an unreal amount of patience with a tiny person that speaks broken English and listens to my better English even less well. I hate it. It's horrible.

But then this little person looks at me. And smiles. And calls me mommy. And I think, aw shit, who cares if we ever get to the post office let's just watch another episode of Bubble Guppies.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Weather or not..

You know you are getting older when you talk about the weather. Yesterday, I left the house without a jacket at all for the first time this year. No jacket, no sweatshirt, nothing.

Granted, I only went to a few places and then back home.. but it was a big, big step for me. It was still snowing here at the beginning of the month, then it was cold, and rainy, and blah. Then suddenly I've got all the windows in the car and house open like it's Spring or something. Oh wait.. ya, it is Spring.

And God I'm dreading Summer. I really truly am. It was 71 degrees on Easter and I thought it was hot! Hot.. at 71 degrees! How people live in places like Florida and Brazil, I have no idea. It's not for me. I don't care if the heat is "dry" in Arizona.. I don't want to be in it. I'd rather have a snow storm any day of the week than be slowly melting while sitting perfectly still in the shade. Who's with me here?

Thursday, April 21, 2011

This is how we grocery shop

Did you see some crazy woman shopping around a grocery store recently with a bunch of Lalaloopsy dolls in her carriage and muttering to herself and her coupons? It was probably me.

The entire Team of Tantrum went grocery shopping last week, but I did all the shopping since Lily only wanted to do whatever she wanted and not what we wanted her to do. Which was totally unusual and shocking. (No it wasn't.)  Jason walked around the store with her and restocked all the things she yanked off the shelves. A fun time had by all, obviously.

Lily insisted on bringing all three of her big Lalaloopsy dolls along for the car ride AND into the grocery store. Thankfully it was not embarrassing at all to have them sitting in the front of the cart as I shopped, without my two year old by my side. (No, that's a lie. It was embarrassing.)

One woman did stop me after she had walked past me though.. to ask where I had gotten "the boy one". Target I told her- and was slightly less embarrassed for half a second. Because she probably wanted to do her grocery shopping with her toddler's dollies too.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Just another day in return-a-dise

I'll warn you right from the start, this story is a little boring.. but also kinda awesome.

One thing that my area of the state is not short on is retail stores. Not all of them are to my taste, but there sure are a whole freaking bunch of them. There is both a TJ Maxx and a Marshalls within a short drive (and a third one opening soon) that I shop at a few times a month.

Last month I had returns at both stores. Both returns were past 30 days, but I had receipts for everything. The first store returned everything no problem.. put the refund on a gift card. Not so lucky at the second store.

The cashier didn't give me my tax back and when I questioned her on it, she told me it was because my returns were past 30 days. The tax had come out to less than $1 and I didn't feel like getting into an argument.

However, when I got home I sent an email to TJX customer service (owns both stores) to clarify the tax issue. I didn't think much would come of it except an official answer that I could print out and take to the store to try to get my 82¢ back.

Well, no one was more surprised than me when the store manager at my local store called me to apologize (!) and let me know more than once she'd be "talking to" the cashier I had in order to set her straight (which made me feel horrible), and I could just come in anytime and have my tax refunded.

I was so impressed and also embarrassed. It was 82¢. Ya, I should have gotten it back, but I didn't mean for such a big deal to be made of it. I almost didn't even go in, I felt so silly. But about a week after I got the phone call, I finally went in to my local store.. with receipts.

Even more unbelievably..

Another manager was working, but she apologized to me several times on behalf of the cashier/store/company, issued my tax back with no trouble, AND gave me a $25 gift card the manager I had spoken to set aside! Thanks TJ Maxx/Marshalls.. that was pretty awesome.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Beet Buy

Text from Jason to Laura: U home?

Text from Laura to Jason: Yup

Jason: U go to vest vuy?

Jason: U go to vest butt?

Jason: Beet buy

Jason: Best fucking buy g***amn autocorrect piece of shit

Angry Birds Live Action

You never know when you are going to come across some Angry Birds. I was just filling out a form. When I clicked "send".. this was my reward..

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

What a Croc..

Another pair of Crocs are coming into our home, but this time for my dear toddler. I bought them on ebay, because I had a $15 Groupon that I bought for $7.. and figured I should use it on something well, "useful". They look like this..
Why am I bringing Crocs into my home? Again. Ah, sigh..

Three or so years ago when I was horrifically, horrifically emnormous and near the end of my pregnancy.. and the only shoes I had that fit me anymore were flipflops, I needed another pair of shoes that were a little more shoe like. Crocs were supposed to be comfortable, but I was devastated that I seemed to be out of any other option for my feet. I really was. I remember buying them at a sporting goods store.. I was just totally heartbroken.

(With all the other trouble I was having at the time.. I got upset about the shoes I had to wear.. go figure.)

Were they comfortable? Oh my goodness, yes. I wore them everyday for two months, loving the comfort, but still couldn't believe what I had put on my feet. Croc stima.

Almost soon as my daughter was born, the Crocs got packed away. At one point I thought maybe I'd just pass them on, but never did. This year, when I was getting out clothes for Spring, I saw the Crocs.

Hmm. What the heck, I thought. I put away my winter slippers and started wearing the Crocs. Around the house. Only around the house. For me, they are perfect for that.. I still don't know if I could get my head around me wearing them in public and unpregnant. But, my two year loves my Crocs and steals them everytime I take them off. She does a pretty good job of walking around in them, but she has stumbled a few times.

Answer? Get her her own pair! So.. I did. And that's how we roll.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Middle School Orientation

I am so totally, overwhelmingly, and completely disappointed in my brother-in-law. Again. Again, again, again.

But I more so feel bad for my husband, because this is his brother.. and his brother's disgusting behavior. To me, he's really not anything.. so I feel much less about it than if it were my own sibling.

However that being said, there is part of me that's totally enraged (but so far under control and tied down in the back corner of my head). Because he chose some nasty words to put down my daughter and posted it on the internet. And.. she's 2. Two and a half years old. And some "full grown" man is posting crap about her online. Her own family.. her uncle. Unreal. Who does that? I mean really.. that's a special kind of nastiness. And so totally pathetic. And immature. And..

(Say what you want about me, I already survived high school, but talking shit about my kid is NEVER going to set well with me.)

As pissed off as I am that it's been typed out and left to fester on the internet for days now.. I also really feel sorry for any person that has that much bitterness and animosity towards a toddler.

The end.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Q. Does sounding pathetic get you an appointment with your doctor faster?

A. Apparently
Around March 28, I was given an appointment for April 11. There wasn't anything sooner? Nope, and I was told my doctor didn't have the results back yet anyway. Fine.

I called back at the end of that week to see if anything had opened up, someone had cancelled, etc. No luck.

I called again on April 5. Right when I woke up. Before I had eaten. Before I had taken any pain meds. Before I had coffee. I sounded pathetic. I felt pathetic. All I did was ask if I could be seen that day.. but I was totally ready to launch into a pathetic tantrum about how much pain I was in. But I didn't have to. Because although my doctor wasn't in that day, guess who got an appointment for the next afternoon. Meeee!
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