Sunday, January 29, 2012

In less than three weeks

It's almost too hard to believe. Less than three weeks from today, if all goes accordingly, I will be preparing for my second major abdominal surgery. Preparing to be the parent of two instead of one. And preparing to be the mommy to a boy. A boy! (Although my mechanic did tell me "oh, boys are easy.")

It is my theory that since Lily sat very quietly in the womb for 9 months and has so far turned out to be the biggest fireball of energy I ever could have imagined.. and this baby moves almost constantly, that he will be a total angel that likes to sit quietly and always does what he's told. Maybe.

Up until recently, he has given me a fairly easy time. Which is apparently something baby boys tend to do. It's only been in the last week or so that I have really started to feel like I'm just done.

I've had heartburn a few nights before bed- although so far it has been controlled with taking a couple Tums, Rolaids, or whatever. Except one night- it was so unbelievably awful, I don't know chronic suffers get through that on a regular basis. I have to pee at least every 2 hours, if not sooner. Going out and walking around is increasingly intolerable- every step is another punch to my bladder.

Aaand.. then there's my right arm. Which has started going numb off and on. I can only assume it is leading to carpal tunnel (which I had in both wrists last time). I am praying that I can get through the next few weeks without it actually getting to the point of full blown carpal tunnel. Because having it is not actually a good time. The upside is that, for me anyway, I was fine as soon as Lily was out in the world and no longer in my belly.

I will miss carrying this baby around with me, all his squirminess and kicking, but I am, of course, looking forward to meeting him, holding him, and getting to know all about him.What I'm not looking forward to is the process this time.

With Lily, I closed my eyes as soon as they wheeled me into the operating room- because I didn't want to see the room. I was "there" for the beginning.. my oxygen mask being adjusted and I told whatever doctor that was near my head "I can feel that" as they started. He replied that they'd been working for awhile, I said "I know," and that was it. I was out for the entire procedure, awoken just long enough to see Lily for a minute, and the next thing I remember was waking up in the recovery room with nurses asking me what brand of formula I wanted Lily to have.

This time.. I'll be awake for all of it. Hopefully. I think that's a hopefully anyway.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

The effects of Playdoh

We bought Lily more playdoh yesterday. An event which, I suppose, is kind of the sponsor of this day. She wanted to play with it last night, but by the time we got home, ate food, and did everything else.. no adult wanted to deal with playdoh.

Which brought us to today. First she played with old playdoh. On the carpet. Chopping it into tiny, tiny, crumb size bits- the playdoh, not the carpet. And I had enough. So I moved that nonsense into the kitchen while I cursed the playdoh pieces that were ground into the carpet.

Of course she wanted the entire 24 pack of playdoh, but there was no way I haven't learned my lesson with that by now. I told her she could have one. No. She wanted 9. She wanted them all. She wanted 3. She wanted 2. I almost caved at 2.. but stuck to the 1. Temporarily. After she was playing for awhile and asked for another one.. I gave in. Because ya know.. she has that effect on people. Especially people that contributed to her DNA.

So while Lily played with her new colors, I finally got to make a new header for this blog. Which was way more complicated than it needed to be. First, since getting a new macbook (and not being able to find the installers for some applications) I don't have Photoshop. But like 100 weeks ago, Jason told me he had it. On a hard drive. Somewhere.

I found the hard drive. But not the cord. Of course. Eventually I found it. In a cabinet, nowhere near the drive. Of course. Because, I mean, obviously. Why keep things together if you can instead place them randomly and separately?

Anyway. Got all that, plugged it in, and looked and looked and looked. Through the whole drive. And found.. Nothing. Of course. No Photoshop.

So I downloaded a trial right from Adobe. Which was so much more complex than it needed to be. Logging in on 20 different screens and downloading not just the trial, but first some kind of download assistant. Whatever.

During all this, my battery was dying. Because we weren't in the living room anymore.. playdoh- remember? So I had to contort myself to unplug the power cord from behind the couch, which was of course also stuck under the frame of the couch. And then replug it in on the other side of the kitchen, (with a stool under the heavy part- because it wouldn't reach otherwise) because the closest plug was behind the table, covered by a shoji screen. And I wasn't dealing with trying to get around that.

Aaand then I was all set. Emailed myself a recent snow picture of Lily, cropped it to the right pixel length in my new trial Photoshop, added some text, uploaded it into the blog, and voila..


Nothing super fancy, but at least it is the correct width now (after making my page wider a few months ago), is seasonally appropriate, and should be easier to update more often. I win.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

It's mere weeks now

I can no longer measure how much time is left in this pregnancy with months.. we are down to weeks now. Which is both a little scary and very exciting.

I had another doctor's appointment earlier this week. Thankfully, everything is still fine. For the first 7 months or so- I really didn't have questions. Well.. I did, but it was always way to early to start worrying about things I would be going through on "the day." But for the last few visits I have a new question every time. That's about all I can handle remembering.. and then remembering the answer. Since I have "a day" already scheduled, last week's question was "What if he comes early?" This week I wanted to know about the epidural and if there would be any negatives in regard to the injection I had for my slipped disc last year, etc.

It feels like I can ask my doctor anything. And at every single appointment since the beginning he's asked if I have any questions- which is such a stark contrast to the doctor I had with Lily. (And one of my greatest fears of this baby coming early is that when I get to the hospital that other doctor will be the one on call. Because that's the luck I have.) He'll usually even tie in something from his personal life. We talked about our iPhones one week, his vegetarian wife at my appointment around Thanksgiving (when I told him I was as well), etc. It's nice. Makes me feel like he's a human being- and that he's aware I am too.

This week my doctor told me I should try to take naps- which I made sure to tell Jason when I got home. Naps are probably not going to be a reality for me since Lily never takes them outside of a few minutes here and there in the car- but a girl can dream, right? (Pun totally not intended.) Jason had a weird reaction. Like.. why should I be taking naps? "I don't know," I told him.. "maybe he noticed the enormous black circles under my eyes." Or maybe it's because I'm 8 months pregnant? Maybe it's both.

Thank God, thank God, knock on wood, that things like sleeping at night aren't really a problem for me this time around. Because I took precautions. Most of the time I sleep in another room from any snoring, on our marshmallow cloud of a couch, with a Boppy and whatever pillows I need. So then as long as the temperature is okay.. so am I. Because last time.. Oh, last time.. sleeping at night didn't go well. But of course, in the last few months, I had the luxury of being able to nap during the day.

I know each pregnancy is different.. but the last 8 months have really surprised me as to how true that is. Possibly because Lily was a girl and this one is a boy, but the "symptoms" with each one have been totally different. And there's nothing that happened with both of them. So far. Knock on wood.

Lily didn't move around much- and I always had heartbeat monitor out.. this baby moves nonstop. And has since at least month 4 or 5. I had carpal tunnel in both wrists with Lily.. this time, thank God, I missed that one. I was so nauseous the 1st trimester (and could barely eat) it was like she was trying to kill me, but this time I only felt a little sick if I didn't eat something before I went to sleep.

So.. I'm thinking since Lily has been a ham and a half since the day she was born and runs around like a fireball all day.. this little guy is going to be terribly serious and sit quietly on the couch with his hands folded. Ya right- Lily would never stand for that.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

This exhaustion is wearing me out

I really kind of want to quit. Where do I hand in my resignation? Can I do that? Can I walk off the job? Or even have a day off?

I'm tired of cats. I'm tired of no one listening to me. I'm tired of there being too much to do- and I'm tired of being too tired to do barely any of it. I'm tired of getting up and down 2 million times a day when to do it even once is hard enough. I'm tired of having lightning bolts of pain shooting down my pelvis, back, and leg.

I'm tired of there being no snow when it's January 11 already. A tissue paper layer of snow on the ground for a few hours in the morning every once in awhile isn't cutting it anymore. I want a good two inches of snow that sticks around for a few days.. and then I can shut up about it.

I'm tired of getting 6 hours of sleep a day if I'm lucky- when I really need about 8 or 9 now. And it makes me even more tired of it knowing that in another month or so I'll be lucky if I get 4 or 5 hours of sleep a night. I'm tired of Lily not taking naps anymore.. like for the last 6 months. Doesn't she know that I'm the one that really needs them now?

I'm tired of being tired. I can't wait until I can drink coffee again. Like.. an entire cup.. in an hour or so. Instead of little sips here and there. In a week or so. Now please excuse me while I try to find the silver lining in this day..

Sunday, January 8, 2012

The organization of the disorganization

We did a lot today. I think. Jason and I- and even Lily helped. And yet things don't seem to look all that different. We moved. And dismantled. And cleaned. And discovered so many more things that need to be done. And bought. And fixed. And changed.

Like painting. Two more rooms. And although both rooms are going to be giant projects- it needs to happen before a lot of other things can be moved.. and it needs to be done soon. Because babies don't like paint fumes. And neither do their overprotective moms.

I am also so paranoid this baby is coming early. And I don't know why. It may just be because I was sort of calm about some aspects of his arrival.. so I had to find another part of it to freak out about. So I am. I've totally convinced myself he'll be another "emergency"- even questioned my doctor about it at my last appointment. "What if he decides to come early?" I asked. I got a gigantic detailed response which all seemed very reasonable and calm and with a percentage like 10% or something. Well, I do like to be different..

He shouldn't be here for another six weeks- but, even with that time frame I feel that I am totally unprepared. Which is crazy because we have Lily's crib, and her old car seat, and all her other baby accessories- even brought some of them upstairs today. I've also bought new bottles, liners, and some formula already. And newborn diapers this week. So even if, God forbid, I went into labor right this second.. there's not so much that would need to be done that Jason couldn't do it by himself before I'd be out of the hospital. And yet.. there's that paranoia.

Maybe it's the realization of the painting needs. There's only so many days that it can be done.. because I am surely not supposed to be doing it myself. I already do enough things I'm not supposed to be doing.. don't need to add more to that list.

There's no nesting or massive cleaning or whatever you want to call it. Having a slipped disc and keeping a toddler from maiming herself and/or others all day long knocks that right the heck right of you.

"Only 6 more weeks.." someone said to me recently. "Do you have everything set up?" "Not really," I told them. They didn't say anything for a minute and then replied that maybe it just seemed like it was coming quicker to them. "No. We're just that disorganized." I replied.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

weather or not

It is apparently 26 degrees outside- which is the high for the day. But I haven't been brave enough to go out there yet, so I'm relying on The Weather Channel to tell me the truth. They are generally pretty good at that.

A few days ago, it was 43 degrees one afternoon when we took Lily outside. Well, I didn't know it was 43 when she first went out. It looked sunny so when I sent her out.. I thought her outerwear was fine- sweatshirt and sweater lined with fleece. Jason brought her back in for a hat and mittens. And that was fine. With me anyway.

When I came outside, Jason wouldn't stop complaining about how cold it was. About how cold Lily was. About how I needed to go back inside to get her gigantic winter jacket. It's not that cold I kept saying. And I asked her- she said she wasn't cold. Plus she was running around like a maniac. But he wouldn't let up. I checked the temperature.. 43. But, Jason was adamant that was a lie. I suggested he check the gauge in his car. He refused. Hmm.

I mentioned that perhaps he was the one that was under-dressed.. with his half shaved head, lightweight jacket, and pants he wears all year round. That idea was met with something along the lines of "whatever" and that I just wasn't cold because I'm pregnant.

After I told him Lily was fine (for the 8 millionth time) and that it wasn't that cold out.. he told me that when she gets sick I'm going to have to take care of her. Which was no kind of news flash.

Aren't mothers supposed to be the ones that are convinced their children are going to freeze to death if they aren't bundled up to the point of being unable to move? And fathers would just send kids out in a t-shirt and say "they'll be fine"..?

Sunday, January 1, 2012

happy stupid new year

Not much good came of my New Year's Eve. And not much good came of my New Year's Day. I don't want to say it can only get better, but God I hope it does.

I really didn't do anything much on New Year's Eve. I stayed home with Lily and we played Go Fish.. which she actually plays. So it's actually kind of fun for me. Not like Candyland, although she is getting better at taking turns- she still doesn't have much patience for it.. and neither do I.

I went grocery shopping. By myself. And even at 5 o'clock everyone had lost all ability to function normally.

Jason ordered Chinese food- but acted like he'd never heard of the "tradition." I picked it up on the way home from grocery shopping.. and stood crammed in a tiny lobby with 20-30 other people (for half an hour) waiting for their food. With even more waiting outside.

When I finally got home, I made my own Chinese food. We both agreed it was way better than what I had picked up from the restaurant.


(White rice from Chinese restaurant, can of baby corn, can of straw mushrooms, leftover uncooked green beans, and a packet of "beef and broccoli" sauce (which is just sauce used in making a Chinese beef and broccoli dish- it was vegetarian). Cooked the vegetables in a pan with some oil, then added sauce)

We were all up to see 2012. But there wasn't any celebrating. Just.. oh look.. it's 2012 now.

I went out by myself on New Year's Day. To buy new makeup, a wallet, and bag. Not because of any kind of good or fun reason- but because Lily got into my bag.. and destroyed everything. She just kept saying "I'm beautiful".. "I'm beautiful." I cleaned up everything as best I could. And cried.

I hate shopping. I hate shopping for bags and wallets especially. Nothing is ever what I need. They have to be exactly right or I'm not wasting my money. It takes forever to find anything that's even 90% right. I looked at three places before my poor self couldn't take it anymore. I bought a bag.. but I may return it. And no wallet. I'm carrying my things around in little zip-lock bags like a 6 year old. Not embarrassing at all to pull a little baggy out of my pocket instead of a having a wallet.

Whatever. I came home and looked online. And ordered this Keep You Posted wallet from modcloth.com..

Which is different. And interesting. Hopefully it will be just right. But if not.. they have free returns. If only I could say that about everything in life.
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