I can't believe I'm not pregnant anymore. I can't believe I'm home from the hospital. I can't believe that instead of three, we are now four. Because Noah is here now!
Last week I went to the hospital for blood work and to answer page after page after page of medical questions. The next morning.. we went back to meet Noah.
I couldn't eat, drink, or even have a stick of gum after midnight. The not eating wasn't too bad as we were scheduled to be at the hospital at 10:30am.. but not even being able to have water was almost too much for me to take. I asked when we got to the hospital if I could at least have ice chips. Nope. Sip of water? Nope. I even begged to at least rinse my mouth out with water. And I couldn't even do that. Because apparently it would make me more thirsty. Which I was pretty sure wasn't possible.
It took three tries and two nurses to get my IV started. After the second failed attempt, on the second hand- I cried. Partly because what they'd already done had hurt so much and partly because I knew it was going to happen at least once more. Thankfully, the third time (and second nurse) was the charm.
So much happened in 90 minutes. And before I knew it.. I was being walked into my delivery/operating room. But I wasn't even scared. Or nervous. Or any of the things Jason looked fully overwhelmed with. I got up on the table, got my epidural, and within a second I could feel less and less of the lower half of my body.
As I lay on the table, with the numbing rapidly taking over.. it was the first time I thought "Oh my God.. I am about to be cut open.. there's about to be a baby here.. I am about to not be pregnant anymore." I can't really say I panicked.. but it was the first fear I felt. It wasn't driving to the hospital, or changing into a gown, or getting an IV, or answering medical history questions, or getting an epidural. It was real.
Before one of the nurses went to get Jason, there was a warning for them to "keep an eye on him".. they thought was was going to be a fainter I think. But he wasn't. He was more scared than me.. but he was fine through it all.
I really felt nothing as they were working. Until one point there was so much pressure I wasn't sure how I was going to keep breathing. But then I felt Noah get lifted out of me.. and he was ours.
I watched him, about 10 feet away, getting cleaned up.. the bottom's of his little feet kicking around. I watched him the whole time.. totally unaware of anything else that was going on in the room. Jason went to him eventually, took some pictures, and brought him up to my face so we could chat and I could touch his little nose. Amazing.