Thursday, May 31, 2012

Just another traquil day. Not really.

It's been a hot, stupid, stressful day. At home. At home, we didn't even leave the house and I'm about to lose it. (The neighbor's security alarm going off for hours was an awesome addition.)

Who am I kidding? I'm not "about to lose it," I already have. Several times. I realized just now, at 5 o'clock, that I haven't even brushed my teeth yet today.  The only reason I even got to eat lunch was because I shoved some two day old pizza in the microwave and then in my mouth.

I managed to eek out to Twitter.. "Whoever said having 2 kids isn't much more difficult than having 1.. is either a liar or didn't take my children into account."

I've had enough. More than enough. I decide it's time to take the children outside. (And probably have to hear about mosquitoes from Jason, but whatever I'm pretty sure the 2 children I started out with this morning have multiplied into about 95.) But first, I just need to take a shower (I can't wait until Jason gets home so he can watch Lily and Noah. And I can practice some personal hygiene in peace. Without an audience. Oh well.).

I need to feed Noah- because I didn't want him to suddenly decide he was starving to death in the middle of my shower. Before I could make him a bottle I needed to put the laundry in the dryer so it could dry before I took a shower and the children wouldn't have to listen to the noisy dryer two inches away from them.

While I was doing that Noah decides he is starving to death (even though he had eaten just 2 hours earlier) and starts screaming. Stop with the clothes- attend to Noah. But then Lily has to pee and ends up knocking the potty around. Ya exactly. Stop with Noah- attend to Lily and the pee. Make Noah a bottle. Lily decides she needs to pee again. Start feeding Noah with one hand while helping Lily put on her underwear with the other. Noah takes 45 minutes to eat. I keep thinking he's not eating, start to take the bottle away, only for him to start yelling. Alright! Shower smhower. Two hours have gone by- no ones going outside.

Jason texts me to ask what I'm doing..  I tell him "deciding whether I'm going to lock the children in the closet or run away from home." OhobviouslyI'mnotserious- I'm not going to lock children in the closet. I might run away from home though- as soon as an adult person comes to watch my children that are not locked in a closet.

He responds that he'll be home later because he's going to go drive his car into a tree- so clearly he's had an awesome day too.

When he does get home, the first thing he says is "why are you still in your pajamas?"

I'm looking forward to coming back home from BlogHer this year, so I will be able to look at him and say "weren't you wearing that when I left? Three days ago?"

Saturday, May 26, 2012

How to get the day off

Lily and I have this conversation (or a variation of it) all the time. It's one of my favorites.


Mommy, get my pad.

I can't, I'm feeding Noah.

Get my pad! Mommy please, get my pad.

You can get it yourself, you know where it is- don't be lazy.

No! YOU BE LAZY!

Okay.

(Silent. And confused.)

Thursday, May 24, 2012

My favorite Beastie Boys "Sabotage" tribute video


I came across this Beastie Boys tribute video- remade with kids. What is it about kids? So cute.. I love when they're trying to climb over the fence.

I didn't realize preschool would be this stressful. For me.

I recently contacted the first preschool I've ever contacted in my life. And I felt sick about it. I cannot believe my tiny tiny child (okay, she's 3 1/2) might actually be starting school in the fall. We'll be going for a visit at some point and I already have a growing list of questions.. including how do they deal with parents like me? The ones that are freaking out in terror at the idea of their tiny precious offspring being away from them for 4 or 5 hours in the care of (initially) complete strangers.

She wants to go. I know she does. She'd go right now if she could. She doesn't care that I won't be there with her- she's already told me "I'll kick you out." Awesome. What does that make her ready for? Like.. fourth grade?

She doesn't meet the age requirement for public preschool this year- which I don't care about, but I do care that non-public preschool(which she does meet the age requirement for) isn't free. And I also care that the year after that, she doesn't meet the age requirement for kindergarten. And the year after that, first grade. (Not by months, but by a few weeks.) The "good news" is that apparently by second grade, they don't care how old you are.. or when you get to that age.

I'm so stressed out about it. Already. So- I'm both terrified that she's starting school.. and mad that she may not be able to start public school sooner. Jason thinks I'm nuts. And even more nuts when I researched the age requirements for the next state over (after I exhausted all the towns in our own state). "I'm not moving," he said. "It's kindergarten, not college."

No kidding.

I'm not trying to push her into something she won't be ready for.. I just want her have the opportunity to show that she is ready. Who knows if the district will make an exception for her if I pursue it. Who knows if I'll really have to press the issue before they cave. I don't know if there's a way for her to "test into" her grade level. I am dreading all of it. I am dreading that I will probably be met with lots and lots of "no's." I am willing to "fight" for her to have a chance.. just not ready for it to be preschool. I'll wait for kindergarten before becoming one of "those" parents.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

The heartbreak of growing up. Mine.

Dear Lily and Noah,

Right now, Lily you are 3 1/2 years old (3 3/4 really).. Noah, you are 3 months. And honestly.. what the heck? Slow down you guys, mommy is having a hard time dealing with how fast time is flying by.

Lily, I watched you sitting on the couch eating pizza last night. With all your teeth- like it was the least big deal in the world. Totally normal. I watched you in awe. Because.. I remember when you could only gnaw on the crust, until your saliva made it soft enough to swallow. Now you eat the whole piece.. without anyone even cutting it up for you. And I just stare at you because I cannot believe how much you've grown.

You were wearing "big girl" underwear last night too. And you used the potty before sitting down on your princess throne/towel -not because you need it, but because I am paranoid. Diapers are pretty much gone from your life. And really because I let you tell me when- and not the other way around. I just stood to the side and cheered (and egged) you on. Weren't you just a teeny tiny baby 5 seconds ago?! I remember when you were born! And I remember having no idea about babies, now you are on your way to preschool. Which is an entirely separate "oh my God!" situation. I am already mourning over it. What are Noah and I going to do all day without you? We'll be SO bored.

Speaking of Noah.. Now seriously, Noah, you really were a teeny tiny baby 5 seconds ago. Weren't you?! I swear you were. I hardly recognize the tiny baby in the pictures from your first couple of weeks as you. I remember when Lily came to meet you in the hospital and when we brought you home for the first time. Seriously, that was just last week- but somehow you are 3 months old now! I remember feeling sad when the last newborn diapers were gone.. and now there are just two lonely size 1 diapers left. You are growing so fast.. you'll be probably be in those size 2s before I finish writing this. Unreal.

You sleep almost all the way through the night.. for more than a month now. You hold your head up and your legs are so strong that you can already bear your full weight to stand up on your own- I half expect you to take step forward. And you love it. You love it so much that sometimes you cry just so that someone will stand you up. I'm going to blink and you'll be walking. It's all too fast. I was so anxious when I knew you were coming- and now I can't imagine life without you.. or your sister.

I love you guys more than I could ever find the words to explain.. Just slow down a little on the growing up. Just a tiny bit. I'm so proud of all the things you both can do.. but ouch, my heart.

Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go use up half a box of tissues re-reading this letter and thinking about how neither one of you are tiny babies anymore.

Love, Mommy

Thursday, May 17, 2012

z-o-o pictures

Lions and tigers and bears.. Well, bears at least. And turtles and birds. We went to the zoo today. And forgot the stroller for Noah at home. Which was not awesome.

The options were to either carry him around in his car seat. Or carry him around.. as just him. I figured just carrying him was the lesser off two difficulties. I'm not sure if I was right.

We traded back and forth.. who had Lily and who had Noah. It definitely downgraded an otherwise pleasant zoo visit. If we ever forget that stroller again.. No, we won't be doing that again.

We rode on a little train- which made me feel a little ridiculous. But, I was alone in that.. Lily loved it. The door to our car came open in the middle of the ride- thankfully and weirdly, no one was even touching it. I grabbed it, slammed it back shut, and looked at Jason with horror. I had checked that thing before we started moving and I thought "the conductor" had as well. Thank God Lily wasn't anywhere near it. Actually, she didn't even notice because she was on the other side of our car. With her head and arms hanging out the window. Much safer.

And then there were the animals..







Monday, May 14, 2012

Mother's Day in review

Ah, Mother's Day- which was yesterday. It is really just like every other day.

On Saturday, Jason bought (and installed) more memory on my macbook. When he called from the store, I told him I didn't want it. That I didn't need it. And yet.. there he was on Saturday installing it anyway. It was on sale, he told me. Ya, and I guess the memory he bought for himself was too.

On Saturday he also brought home a Stainless Steel Cold Cup from Starbucks for me. Someone's been reading my blog, huh?, I said to him.

And then there was Sunday. The actual day of "celebration." The day started off with a bang for me around 8am when I got up to feed Noah and went to quickly feed Lily's fish before I left the kitchen- but one little goldfish hadn't made it through the night. Poor thing. (We debated whether or not to tell her. In the end, we did. And.. she didn't seem bothered by it.)

"Good morning fish (I said to Lily's goldfish as I went to feed them.) Oh. Dead fish. Oh."

I went out by myself. And Jason asked if I'd bring him home coffee. Shouldn't you be bringing me coffee, I asked him. He pointed out that he didn't even have pants on yet. Of course.

"Jason asked if I expected breakfast this morning. No I said, I'm not new here."

When I came home about 45 minutes later.. the outing preparation began. And took about 3 hours. Because for the first time, Jason decided to come along for the only tradition we still have for Mother's Day (or any other holiday for that matter). We go to the park. I sit on a bench in front of the water. With Lily on my lap. We wear sunglasses. And I take some pictures of us with my camera phone. Then we get back in the car and go home.

But I guess this year, since my children outnumber me, Jason got involved. And he took our picture. Pictures. Way too many pictures. Then I took theirs. And almost fell in the water. Later, I said I wished I had. Because then we would have gone home. Instead of going to Target.

Normally, going to Target would have been great- but I actually didn't need or want anything. There wasn't anything good on sale. I didn't have coupons. There wasn't anything I wanted to look at, scout out, or buy. For myself or any one else. That should have been like 12 red flags right there. Because I don't think that's ever happened before.

Not 10 minutes into our Target trip.. Jason pointed her out. She who, five Mays ago, set my apartment on fire. While I was at work. Not out of purposity (which I guess isn't a word)- just stupidity. And I get to remember that forever- not daily, just like.. when I see her on Mother's Day.. at Target.. 5 years after the fact. And I will be fine with it never happening again. Ever.

After that hilarity, we went to Barnes & Noble to buy a copy of the most recent magazine (cover) controversy.. Time's "Are you mom enough?" They didn't have it. I showed Jason the pictures online when we got home. He pretended he was horrified. Or maybe he really was.. I don't know.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

I probably should have seen this coming..

Are you awake?

(no response)

(while poking Jason in the back..) Hey, are you awake?

What?!

Lily's fish is dead.

Seriously?

No, I thought it would be funny to wake you up by telling you Lily's fish is dead. Hey- Lily's fish is dead HA HA HA isn't that funny? .. (blank stare) .. Ya, seriously.

Which one?

What do you mean which one? [she has two goldfish] I don't know, Jason, the orange one..

Oh shit. Did you take care of it?

That's not my job..



(Happy mother's day, mommy.. you get to introduce your three and a half year old daughter to death.)

Thursday, May 10, 2012

My favorite Somebody That I Used to Know video


Two six year old friends who love the song "somebody that I used to know" by GOTYE make a music video...

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

The other Arthur

After taking a "vacation" for a month or so, my Netflix mailings started up again (because I have not been in a movie theater since August or September. 2008. Strangely, right around the time when Lily was born. Okay less "strangely", and more "exactly.") Jason brought the mail in yesterday with the first dvd in it..

You got something from Netflix- what is it?

Arthur.

The drunk?

No, the aardvark..

(blank stare)

Seriously?

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

What I've gotten myself into this time

I started physical therapy today. Again. I was totally dreading it and really unhappy that I was referred to go. Again. I didn't want surgery, but I didn't want physical therapy either. (Or drugs, but I got those anyway too.) Which left me with what? I don't know.. a miracle from God?

Of course I didn't think to scout out the location of the PT office before hand, just flew by the seat of my pants and used the MapQuest app on my iPhone. Which I've never had a problem with. Until today. Because- of course.

I really didn't know where I was for a few minutes. Then MapQuest tried to send me down a dead end street- that I could clearly see wasn't where the office was. When it recalculated, because I was "off route" and not headed down a dead end street, it tried to send me down a one-way street.. the wrong way. I looped around and around, until finally I saw something in front of me that looked like what I had seen on Google Maps the day before. Thank God for Google Maps.

But of course I almost got into an accident pulling into the parking lot- it was like 5 streets converging into one.. and more than one of them might have been one way, I'm not sure. What a clever place to put a physical therapy and chiropractic combination office.. on the corner of a gigantic intersecting.. intersection. Made me wonder how many of their clients were "walk-ins."

After all of that, and my negative attitude going into it.. it wasn't that bad. Although, it was just the initial visit- plenty more opportunities for me to be negative. The person I met with was pleasant and self-described with ADD. (Jason wanted to know if I was serious. Yes, she really said that. Yes, I really think she was. Either that or she's a really good actress.) She grabbed my Pandora bracelet and went over each bead.. commenting on what each one was. Surprisingly, it didn't freak me out at all. Really- I was surprised at myself for not being totally taken aback by a stranger grabbing at my jewelry and pawing over it. She apologized. I told her it was fine, because it was.

She also got a little overly animated about a pen/pencil- holding it right up to my face to demonstrate. I just smiled at her. I think I spend too much time around a 3 year old.

And because I spend too much time around a 3 year old.. (and let's be honest, most of my human interaction happens with people under the age of 4) my physical therapist will take a little getting used to. But not necessarily in a bad way. (She told me "don't worry, I fix people like you." Yes, Jason, she really said that. Yes, exactly like that. After she went over how messed up I was. No, Jason, that wasn't the exact word she used.) It's probably a two way street anyway. For instance, the second after she told me her name.. I had no idea what she had said. Now I'll spend the rest of my visits trying to figure out what it is.. hoping no one else asks me who I'm seeing. Oh, I'm not sure.. who am I seeing today?

Friday, May 4, 2012

dressing up your boo-boos

If have a boo-boo on your fingers and you're going to be on tv, demonstrating how to cook something, and the cameras are going to be zooming in on your hands.. you may as well dress them up..


That's what chef Geoffrey Zakarian did on a recent episode of The Nate Berkus show. I have been a fan of fancy band-aids for years (decades?) so I zoned right in on this.


Couldn't tell you what he was making, a burger of some kind? But check out those band-aids..

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

mile. stones.

Fair warning- this is somewhat a "real" post. Which has not happened for 3 or 4 weeks. Unless you count talking about Klout. It's up to you.

I've just been spending so much time taking care of a bunch of little people (and some larger people too, actually) that never seem to leave my side- some might call them my children, that every time I think about writing anything real and/or lengthy.. they sense it and put a stop to it immediately- one way or another.

Fortunately, I love them dearly- and that is why I put in my weekly 168 hours of volunteer time here. (Yes, I did just get out a calculator to multiple 24 by 7.) There is also the never ending supply of dirty laundry and baby bottles/sippy cups to wash that I like to think of as just one of the perks. But on the other side..

There's been some totally amazing mile stones going on here the last few weeks or so. And I thank God for them every second I get- mainly for the one in which Lily uses the potty way more than she doesn't. And also the one where Noah goes 5 hours or more between bottles at night..

It's beautiful. Since he was 2 months old. (Which is NOT how Lily rolled. She waited an additional 4 months, I believe, just to fully torment me.) And I was so exhausted, it actually took me a couple of days to realize it was happening. He'll go up to 7 hours now, between eating when he "goes to bed".. so when I finally get Lily to sleep after that- it's almost a normal sleep period for a human being. Jason has no idea, of course, because it's only in my job description. Which is, whatever.

He came home from work a few weeks ago and told me (a woman) co-worker had asked how Noah was sleeping. (I guffawed. Silently. In my head.) I figured people at work must have been asking him about our new little bundle of joy by now and I told him just that. I couldn't wait for Jason's response and asked him what he had told her- something along the lines that he didn't really know because I was the one that gets up with Noah, but that I was looking a little less tired lately. What did she do then, I wanted to know? She walked away.

I laughed. In a satisfied, validated, but also defeated (because of the whole "truth of it" aspect) way. They must think you're an ass, I told him. He thought that probably explained why no one was speaking to him much anymore.

But rather than ending on that note..

Noah has fully mastered the extremely handy sticking-out-your-tongue and more notably (and awesomely) the enormous smile. Which I think is the reason people even have babies in the first place, isn't it? Those killer infant smiles. Real ones. Not, ah-hem, you know because of other things they're doing. Unfortunately, he is also still routinely using his head as a weapon against my own head (mostly against my pierced ear cuff). And that is not awesome. But once he flashes one of those giant grins at me.. I'm over it. And I want like 10 more of him. (No, no I really don't. I'm good with 2. Thank you.)
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...